Laughter Lines
How do you stop a fish from smelling?  Cut it's nose off
What is the fastest fish in the lake?  Go-carp.
What did the mummy sardine say to her children when they saw a submarine?  Don't worry, it's only a tin of people.
If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland.
What did one rock pool say to the other rock pool?
Show me your mussels.
How do you kiss a pike?  Very carefully
What sits at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
What has big sharp teeth, a tail, scales, and a trunk?
A pike going on holiday.
Fly-fisherman's wife: "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend"
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Fishing Break
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place.
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him.
"You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said, "Wear sun-block."
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Hi Clive
Email from
SUSAN susanmeek2000@yahoo.com
GREETINGS TO YOU AND FAMILY !!
I am Mrs Susan Jones, a widow to Late Sir, Donnie Jones, I am 69 years old, I am suffering from a long time cancer of the breast and From all indications, my condition is really getting worst on daily basis and the cancer stage has gotten to a very severe stage that has affected my ears and my legs swollen due to the sickness coupled with old age.
My late husband was killed during the Gulf war as he was a supplier of relief materials to the affected war areas and during the period of our marriage we had no child, My late husband was very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his wealth.
My doctor told me that I may not live much more longer and I am so scared about this revelation which prompted me to use the wealth i inherited from my late husband as the only wife to contribute to any charity project in Africa, America, Europe or Asia .
I selected you among the people i prayed for this help and after my fervent prayers for this purpose my God revealed to me that you can be trusted, I have a total sum of $6.000,000.00 Million US Dollars Deposited in the security bank and that is all i have and wish to give it to you as i can no longer walk or hear well so that you can assist me in using it for the charity project, or motherless babies homes of your choice.i will like you to take %30 from the fund for your family up-keeps as you may be busy in the setting of the charity homes, i want you to know that God will guide and strenghten you during this period so be strong and work for the lord.
Please kindly talk to me through my private Email-address; (susanmeel@live.com)
May almighty God,Guide and bless you with your family, Amen!!
I am Yours sister,
Mrs. Susan Jones

Comment from Clive
If anyone is interested in replying to this email please feel free to do so.
Word of warning I get hundreds of these spam email everyday I believe they originate mostly from Nigeria 
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What happened to the missing million's?
This question has been asked by many anglers ever since the WFCA secured a National Lottery funding of approx 4.6 million. Lanelli near Swansea South Wales. Was the venue for Britain's multi million pound Centre of Excellence. Plans were made for a complex of lakes including Sand Water Park so that anglers from all over Wales could enjoy. Could any one with the answer’s please let us know!!!
Email clivesangling@cardiffcity.net if you have any comments to make
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Cat's a Surprise
Recently a surprise Birthday was held for Colin Cook the manager of Gary Evans Tackle Cardiff. Family and friends clubbed together for a surprise holiday to go and fish The River Ebro Spain for the elusive big catfish. When asked before the surprise “what do you think of catfish fishing?” Colin replied “”You wouldn't catch me fishing for those things it must be the most boring fishing ever” (Words to that affect) To Colin’s disbelief he accepted the gift. After a couple of freezing cold days in Northern Spain Colin eventually caught a catfish. On his return he said “He can’t wait to go again” I wonder if he is only being polite
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Ollie & Hardy
For those who know Clive Roberts and Richard Candy (Cardiff Nomads) They are hailed as the fishing Ollie & Hardy. After 20 years of travelling together Clive has announced that Richy is taking his luck away from him so he intends to travel alone. That was over 3 months ago. Guess what? They are still travelling together. Funny pair!! 
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Laughter Lines
How did the scientist invent flea spray? He started from scratch.
What do you need to know to be an auctioneer? Lots
Why did the archaeologists go bankrupt? Because his career was in ruins
Why did the doughnut maker retire? He was fed up with the hole busness
What happens if pigs fly? Bacon goes up
How did the owl feel when he had laryngitis? He didn’t give a hoot
What did the fish say when he ran into a
concrete wall? DAM!
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A man went fishing one day.
He looked over the side of his boat and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free. But then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food. All he had was a bottle of whiskey. So he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots. The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds. He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat. With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with two frogs!
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Famous Quotes
"He's not the sharpest hook in the tackle box."
"There's a reason they call it fishing and not catching."
"Fishing not a matter of life and death - it's much more important than that!"
Even a bad day of fishing is better than a good day of work
I spend most of my life fishing, the rest I just waste."
Nothing grows faster than a fish from when it bites until it gets away.
The difference between fly fishers and worm dunkers is the quality of their excuses.